I want this dog out of my life!

WARNING: What you are about to read is not a pleasant recollection of my life with this brindle boy and I am not about to defend my thoughts to any haters out there who think I’m a horrible person who should be shot for feeling the way I do. Therefore, if you are not interested in 1) relating with your own similar experiences or 2) having a laugh (maybe), then turn back now… you have been warned!

I’m so frustrated with this dog and even more frustrated with my fiancé. I am so overwhelmed and angry and no amount of meditation seems to make this better. I hate this dog. Sure, he’s pretty and there are times when I think he’s just the cutest thing, but they are so few and far between. His exuberance combined with his brawny body and bad manners… I’m at the end of my rope with him. Whenever I bring up anything to do with the dog to my fiancé, he shrugs it off. He knows my intention is for him to find a new home for this boy, but he refuses.

We are having a baby… our first… and I am terrified. As someone with high anxiety to begin with, I want to limit my challenges now, before have the baby. I like to think I’m a proactive person, someone who prefers to see a possible problem and find a solution prior to anything happening in the first place. I don’t handle stressful situations well. I am trying to prepare my house and home for this little baby and I want everything to be as calm, clean and stress free as possible.

This dog is dirty, he stinks, he has a skin condition and takes novo-prednizone for it. If he goes a day without his pill (which my fiancé sometimes forgets), he will lick himself (because he’s itchy I guess) till he bleeds. On extreme days, he will lick his paws raw and chew the pads of his paws right off… its horrible. Blood everywhere… just a mess. His skin flakes and his kidneys seem to be affected by years of this drug to the point where he has periodic incontinence – on the carpet, on my couch, on my blankets (which he steals from wherever he can find them). I just had my carpets professionally cleaned and he puked all over them the next day… why, you ask… because he got into the garbage while we were out. I was ready to kill him! He is a constant money waster and this is one such example.

My fiancé seems to think that I’m being too high-strung with the dog. I think he is being a negligent pet owner. I do not want this dog… but I do want better for him (and more me). I would love to see this brindle boy have other dogs to play with, have an owner that keeps him active every day and can spend time with him like he deserves.

My fiancé neglects him. Here’s how:
1) He chooses to go fishing after work, but cannot take the dog because of his high energy. He would be a hassle to bring to the river because he would bother other fisherman and get into trouble. 
2) He chooses to go golfing on Saturday – of course the dog can’t go with him to the course.
3) He chooses NOT to take the dog for a walk after work, but instead goes to his “man cave” to play his guitar.
4) If he wants to enjoy a sunny day and take a motorcycle ride… the dog will chase the bike and bark, so he gets locked in the back yard to bark and claw the fence until he gets back. We bought him $150 barking collar to help with this.
5) The dog cannot join us at friend’s houses or any outdoor event because he has a habit of jumping up on people even on a leash and he whines because the barking collar we bought shocks him if he barks. Therefore, he’s left in the house…. all day, every day… bored out of his mind.

The dog has about as much anxiety as I do. He doesn’t want to be with me (not to mention, he won’t listen to me ever), he wants my fiancé and that’s it. The only one who doesn’t seem to be bothered by it all is the one person who should care the most. I do NOT want the responsibility of this high maintenance dog. My priority is my baby and my health during this pregnancy.

Now, I haven’t even got to the point about my anxiety of having a pitbull around a newborn. My man seems to think that because pittys are supposedly really good with kids that everything is going to be fine. I’m sure some pittys are the best friend a kid could ever have, but this dog is a hazard to me now and the baby isn’t even here yet. He’s in my way… I trip over him all the time, especially in the kitchen. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him “OUT”… he doesn’t listen to me ever. My main argument is if he won’t listen to me now, who’s to say he’ll listen when the baby is here and when it really matters!

I am convinced that my stress level will be significantly reduced if I could get this dog out of my life. I need advice… and a f*cking miracle! How do I get my fiancé to see that this dog needs to go to a better home!? I need my sanity and our baby deserves better! When he went fishing yesterday, the dog sat at the front door whining for hours until he came home… this is what it looked like:

This isn’t fair to anyone. Why won’t my fiancé stop being so selfish! What can I do here besides find a new home for the brindle boy myself? – which isn’t something I’m prepared to do, because its not fair to my man. I need him to agree that something needs to be done and I need him to do it!

I’m looking forward to hearing similar stories from others so I don’t feel like I’m crazy. I encourage sharing suggestions if you think they will help. What I don’t need is someone telling me that I need to take time out of my day to train this dog myself. I don’t want this dog – I want him out of my life. I repeat – I do not want to take responsibility for this dog… I need to convince my fiancé that the best thing for everyone is to let the dog go to a home who has more time, energy and love for the boy. Thank you for taking the time to read this rant. I feel a little better getting this off my chest. It’s time for me to meditate – Namaste!

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16 Responses to I want this dog out of my life!

  1. Since you have been honest, I will be as well. You can chocse to approve the comment or not that is up to you. Sounds like both you and your fiance are not good dog parents. First, what you should know is when you get in a relationship with someone who has a dog, to a true dog lover is the same as getting into a relationship with someone who has children. If he had a kid that was a total little jerk would you ask him to give the kid up? Next, if he refuses to give up the dog, he needs to get responsible. He needs to ensure the dog has his meds, gets adequate excercise, regular grooming etc. If you know much about dogs then you know those things will most likely help his behavioral issues. If you are home more than he is and he is going to keep the dog you probably should make an effort to work with him and learn to love him. I had a Rottie for 13 years, he was 2 years older than my son. A dog can be the best protector in your child’s life and stop judging the dog because of his breed. In all honestly, if you knew he had the dog and you didn’t want the dog you probably should have talked about that before talking about marriage and children. I have been married for 9 years and we have been together for 15, but if he dared tell me it was him or the dog; he’d eat his words for sure. I don’t think you understand what loving a dog is… He needs to be a much better dog parent but you need to grow up. Sounds to me like you are shallow and selfish. As your child grows he or she is going to make messes, have accidents, possibly need medication; and believe me nothing causes anxiety like having a child. If you can’t deal with a dog how can you deal with a child? Dogs like people aren’t all the same, they don’t come in shiney neat packages with good behavior and habits. The thing about your dog is you can teach him what you want him to know. As a reminder, if he loves the dog I am sure he knows it would be very difficult to find a dog with all these “issues” a proper home. My question is if you can’t find him another home, what would you propose to do with him?

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thank you for your comments. At the very least you have met my expectations of the type of comment I would receive. And how can I fault you… all you know about me is what very little I have portrayed on my blog and how you perceive it is your view and you are entitled to it. We will have to agree to disagree on many things, but thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

  2. Delft says:

    First of all, you’re not crazy. You’re worried, and that’s alright. It’s OK to feel and to express whatever you’re feeling. We sometimes tend to forget that.

    Just an observation of fact: in a conflict it usually doesn’t help to talk about what other people “should” do. I’m not saying you’re not right, I’m only saying, it usually doesn’t get you anywhere, at least anywhere you want to go.

    Is it possible that your fiancé ignores the situation because at bottom he knows there’s something he’s got to face up to, and he doesn’t want to because it hurts?

    As for a miracle: I’d try seeing a professional dog trainer (all three of you together).
    That won’t help with the medical condition, but can dramatically change the behavioural issues. I recently read a book called “The other end of the leash”, and it’s written by someone people go to with “problem dogs”. The trainer can also spot if there’s an issue about dog and baby, or if the dog’s being neglected: in both cases your fiancé might respond better to what the trainer says than to what you do.

    • 16sedici16 says:

      You are absolutely right (re: it usually doesn’t help to talk about what other people “should” do.) I’m glad I read this early in my blogging days, I will try to keep this in mind. You are also probably right that my man “ignores the situation because at bottom he knows there’s something he’s got to face up to, and he doesn’t want to because it hurts?” I think it really helped me to read this, because it reminds me that he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he also doesn’t want to hurt. The dog trainer idea has been brought up a few times over the last year. My fiancé doesn’t think it’s necessary and/or doesn’t want to pay for it – these are his main arguments when discussed. I actually agree with him – but only if he stays consistent with the dog. The dog responds very well to him (but not at all to me). I feel like he needs to set an example and demand consistency with the dog… but tough when he can’t be consistent himself.

  3. Have you tried attending an obedience class with your dog? That can be a great bonding and behavior-changing experience. You are right, we only know the situation from the brief paragraphs you have shared, and I don’t want to judge. I will just say that I can’t imagine my life or my children’s without the dogs and cats we have had over the years (we tend to “adopt” so some have come into our lives at a later stage and therefore not with us as long) — they can teach children wonderful compassion, responsibility, and share an unconditional love unlike any other. If you and your boyfriend come to the decision that you cannot continue to care for the dog, then I hope you consider something like a pit rescue group, who has knowledge on how to handle some of the unique behaviors of pitbulls, who can be wonderful family pets if properly socialized and managed. Many humane societies are overrun with pits, and if they do not have a “no-kill” policy, often dot no have room to keep all who are surrendered, particularly those with significant behavior issues. As a Type-A personality, I have found both dogs and children a wonderful reminder to put life in perspective and to let some of the little things go — OK, maybe it was hard to let one of my favorite pair of leather boots go when I had left them out and came back from a meeting to find my lab found them to be a delightful chew toy! 🙂 We have so many plans and visions of what life as a parent will be, the child we dream of having, and one of the best things we learn is that they come with their own plan, challenges and talents, and you are reminded that you are here to simply help them blossom into their fullest potential, which may not be anything like that vision you had before they arrived (or even years later)!

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thank you for responding. Please note my comments in the reply above re: training. I agree that a dog can be helpful for children to learn responsibility skills etc. but I don’t think so at the baby stage. I also agree that I need to put life in perspective and that the dog and the child will help that, I don’t have much confidence in myself here. Though I don’t have a child yet, I know you are right in that they come with their own plan. I need to work on letting what bothers me go… hence my efforts with yoga and meditation.

  4. abbyferri says:

    Your fiancé has done a huge disservice to this dog by not minding the meds or training him or even facilitating basic exercise! This makes me very sad. I’m also pregnant. My dog Enzo, a pit bull mix, died last month of unexpected, sudden liver disease one day before his 7th birthday. I was so looking forward to the dog (and our cat) being around the baby. I couldn’t wait to take walks with the baby and the dog around the neighborhood and have Enzo lie at my feet as I rock the baby to sleep.

    My story is different than your fiance’s in that I spent time training my dog: obedience classes at puppy stage, walks at least twice daily, daily playtime, outings at the park and beach, and in the end – one month of intense veterinary care and medication over $2000 in an attempt to give his body every chance to fight off what was going on with his liver.

    I agree that pit bulls can be great dogs for babies and kids. However, I’m unsure of how much of that behavior is pure instinct. Knowing how your dog is now, it’s not like he will automatically switch to this nanny dog when your baby is born.

    Your fiancé needs to pick up the slack if he truly wants the dog to be a part of the family. I’m sure if he spent more time with the dog, just BASIC time, nothing crazy – that you may even enjoy the dog more. Its amazing what daily exercise and interaction can do for a dog’s behavior. The dog’s health is in danger due to your fiance’s lack of basic pet care.

    My husband and I are meeting a rescued pit bull puppy later this week, we are hoping he’s “the one” and are excited to train him before the baby comes so they can grow up together. As I have browsed the rescue group’s website and other sites, it saddens me to see how many dogs are given up by their owners because a baby is on the way.

    I hope you guys don’t give up on your dog, but from the description, it sounds like your fiancé is totally negligent and has no business having a dog in the first place.

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thanks for your comment. This week I started talking my brindle boy for daily walks. It has not been easy and has left me in tears most days, but I feel like I should give it a go while I can… not to say I’ll keep this up – I just don’t know how much more of my emotional well-being I can sacrifice here. We’ve to 4 months give or take before baby arrives, so we’ll see what happens. Thanks again for commenting.

  5. Rachel Ott says:

    You need to do what is in the best interests of your child. Regardless of whether or not this particular breed of dog is good with children, he is clearly undisciplined and would be a wild card around a new born. If your finance is not willing to take the time to train him and take care of him, it would seem the best option would be to give him to someone who will.

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thanks for your comment. I agree that my baby comes first and the brindle boy is a “wild card”. As I mentioned in the reply above, I have started to take him for daily walks this week. We’ll see what I can do, for both the pooch and my fiancé, to keep everyone happy. Thanks again for your realistic comments.

  6. Estelle_0630 says:

    Your child takes presidence over the dog. You know the answer, the dog must go as he hasn’t been trained to behave properly for you or at all.
    My absolute best to you. It has been 16 yrs but I remember vividly how protective I was when I had my son. This is normal.
    (If it helps knowing, I had to get rid of my cats when my son was born, they were found in his crib and I flipped out. No more kitties)

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thanks for commenting. Absolutely the child takes precedence over the dog. I already put both my cats outside (they were indoor cats for 8 years) as soon as I found out I was pregnant. One had to be put down after getting hit by a car, but the other is thriving outside! I’ve had to sacrifice on my end, so its very upsetting that my man won’t negotiate on his end. As Delft mentioned above, he probably knows what he has to do, but is postponing even talking about it because he knows it’ll hurt 😦 I’ll keep y’all posted. Thanks again for commenting.

  7. Bren says:

    Your fiance is setting this pittie up to fail by neglecting him. Truly sad, especially being pits get a bad rap. They need training and they need routine. Did he have the dog before you both got together? I would hope you take some of the advice left by others before me. If you do decide to rehome the dog, PLEASE let a pit bull rescue take him so they can work with him and give him the care he needs. If you take him anywhere else, you’ve pretty much sentenced him to death. Truly a sad situation 😦

  8. katej78 says:

    We have four cats and a dog. I have two pieces of advice for you.
    1. Hire a trainer. Get a dog trainer to come to your house right away. It sounds to me like a lot of your dog’s issues are age-related and can be overcome. A good trainer will be able to tell if your dog is going to be good with kids or not, and will be able to help you implement rules and practices to get the dog to behave as it should.
    2. Go see a relationship counselor. Hands down the best thing my husband and I ever did for ourselves. It sounds like he is overwhelmed and not hearing you and thus avoiding things. A counselor will force him to confront your issues.

    Good luck!

    • 16sedici16 says:

      My hubby refuses to get a trainer. I understand why… the dog actually respond to him… but only when he makes a point to discipline. And that is not always consistent. Me being the one who spends most of my day with the dog, I don’t have as much luck and its driving me mad. Anyways… the trainer is not going to happen.
      We have gotten relationship counselling and it helped. Finding out we were pregnant made a huge difference. It was like all of a sudden we were in this life together, ya know. We have good days and bad… more good than bad. This post (above) was obviously a less than great day… I laugh now, because my prego emotions have been ridiculous. At least I haven’t lost my sense of humour.

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