27 weeks pregnant and slowing down :(

Well, I feel like I woke up one day last week (or even two weeks ago, its all a blur now) and felt like I was pregnant for real all of a sudden. I’ve sloooowwwed right down. I’m so tired all the time and feel so guilty about it.  On top of it all the weather has turned nasty and the brindle boy is not getting his daily walks. My man obviously doesn’t think its important, because when he gets home from work, the last thing on his mind is taking the dog out. I feel so guilty… guilty about the dog, guilty that I’m so lazy, guilty that I haven’t even been keeping up with my yoga practice. I’m wiped all the time and dread going out into public. I feel yucky and like my maternity clothes don’t fit well anymore. The baby is moving all the time and sometimes its bothersome to the point where I can’t sleep. I don’t want to do anything… not even shower most days. I just want to ounce around and watch movies in my PJs all day. When I was hiking up a storm I was feeling great, but as soon as the rain hit everything just stopped. I’m starting to feel depressed. I see my neighbour who has 2 kids and is prego with #3 and she seems to be full steam ahead and she’s 4 weeks more along than me. I even read an article about 10 instances where it’s better to be pregnant… I disagreed with all but one. My hubby just mentioned he can’t make tomorrow’s midwife appointment. This is the first time he couldn’t make it and it really upset me. I dunno why, its not really a big deal. I just don’t like the thought of going through any of this by myself. I finally decided to let the cat back in the house. I think I missed her more than I realized. She’s my buddy… she listens better than the dog and likes to cuddle me more than my man. I’m getting emotional just writing this. I feel like the first trimester is starting all over agin: I’m tired and weepy, only instead of being nauseous, I’m eating everything in sight. I feel huge and I’m tired of it. I am a very small person and I feel like my bump is taking over my body. Putting my socks on is a chore. I need more maternity clothes and I dread going to the next town over to shop (where the mat store is). I also dread shopping in my town… I don’t want to run into anyone I know. I don’t feel like being social… I want to be alone, but at the same time I feel guilty about it. I’m also having second thoughts about a hospital birth after seeing my cousins home birth in a water tub via Facebook. This being my first pregnancy, I’m so scared and though I want to do it without drugs, I don’t know if I can. Doing it at home would ensure I don’t go against those wishes, but… I dunno, what if something goes wrong? I’m also having second thoughts about my doula. Not her specifically, but the idea of using one. Some people have made comments like, “All I ever needed was my husband” and so I feel guilty, like I’m inadvertently implying he can’t handle it. I dunno… I need positive thoughts here… I feel like my in a downward spiral and can’t break free 😦

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2 Responses to 27 weeks pregnant and slowing down :(

  1. katej78 says:

    Oh honey! Your blog is breaking my heart!

    First of all, good for you for saying how you really feel. Pregnancy isn’t perfect for anyone, and those women who pretend it is give the rest of us a bad name!

    Second, you can do it. I also have become antisocial but try to revel in your alone time – get your house ready, watch movies you’ve always wanted to see, take baths, I’m in Seattle, so I feel you on the rain! It definitely doesn’t help, but think of things you like to do when it gets gray and do them – have soup, drink hot chocolate, bundle up and snuggle with your animals.

    Third, watch “The Business of Being Born” on Netflix. LOTS of positive home birth and birth center stories! We are planning on a birth center birth and couldn’t be more confident. My friend – who is TINY – just had her first baby pain-med free and it was over 7 pounds and you know what she texted me a few hours after the birth? “It’s totally doable, and TOTALLY worth it.” You should be comfortable giving birth wherever you want, be it a hospital, your house, or the woods. 🙂

    Ignore the naysayers and the negativity! YOU are the only one who knows what’s right for you and your baby. If you want ten doulas then that’s what you should have. If you are feeling super down you should definitely talk to your care provider about your feelings – you don’t want to spend the rest of your pregnancy this way.

    Sorry to go on and on but this post really made me feel for you – you sound so alone! You can do it, and you’re NOT alone. ❤

    • 16sedici16 says:

      Thanks so much for all your comments Kate (?). I feel better today… again, the prego emotions have just taken over and some days are better than others. I have ventured out into the world lately. I got my nails done, saw a doctor who will take over after my midwife, and went to my latest midwife appointment. It felt good to get “done up” for my day. It seems like a lot of work usually, but once I get out there, I feel ok.

      The doctor I saw is a new doctor, a young doctor, a wife of a friend of mine. She really discouraged me from having a home birth. So that was disappointing. However, when I saw the midwife, she said my pregnancy is going well and if I chose to stay at home I could, but they would need to know sooner than later because they need two midwives incase both my baby and me require resuscitation or something.

      I appreciate that you shared your friends text. Totally doable and Totally worth it has been ringing in my head since I read it. Thank you… I will try to remember that when things seem to be tougher than I can manage. I am happy with using a doula and a midwife and happy that my man is supportive. We discussed yesterday that he’s scared too. He plays it cool, but its his first as well and we both have no idea what its going to be like. In addition, we both don’t have “close” family members, so we can use all the support we can get. Honestly… I want the doula for massage purposes more than anything. My guy is not a fan of massage… and I know its something that makes me feel much better. If she’s working on that, my husband can focus on me better. I know its the right way to go.

      I feel weird that I may have come off a little desperate or worried you. I know on my bad days I blab my face off and concern people. I don’t mean to worry anyone, I just need to get things out and weather the storm, get through the day, and wait for the sun to come up tomorrow 🙂

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