Jealousy and low self-esteem

Jealousy

I had typed this December 27, 2012… saved as a draft and never published… a lot has happened since then and I feel like my followers (if any) need some background… so here it is… PUBLISHED…

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So Christmas has come and gone. I think I started too early this year, because I’m definitely over it… or its just that I’m 38 weeks pregnant and so done with 2012 as a whole. I’ve been  feeling so low lately. Disappointed 😦 Worried that my man doesn’t like me anymore. Doesn’t this sound ridiculous? Not that he doesn’t love me, but that he doesn’t like me. I keep feeling like he’d rather be anywhere else than with me. I swear its my pregnancy hormones, or at least that’s what’s been helping me feel better about this situation.

I’m tired of being pregnant and tired of being tired. I’m so disappointed that my man doesn’t seem to want to take care of me. A light back rub or foot rub doesn’t seem like too much to ask, but apparently it is 😦 He’ll get himself 3 beer from the fridge before asking me if I want or need anything. The more he does this stuff, the more I feel like I won’t be able to trust or rely on him when shit hits the fan. Whether that be with the birth, or the baby, or in our lives. We’ve been together almost 4 years now and I’m just scarred of this new adventure in our lives.

He’s a procrastinator and says he works better under pressure. I dunno… I’m due in two weeks and the baby’s room is not even close to ready. I woke up at 3am in a panic about this the other night. I couldn’t sleep and I was angry. I decided to go to McDonald’s and get some “comfort food” and mill over what I was going to do about my situation. Everything seems hard lately and I’m irritated to have to ask for anything… why can’t people (especially my hubby) be more observant?! Moving furniture is not easy… installing hard wood floor is beyond what I’m capable of …

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This is as far as I got on December 27… 3 months and a baby later and I’m not so sure I feel any better… please see my next post for details…

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